Awkward

Today was probably the most awkward day of my life....

For one reason or another we had to get the boy's ex wife's name off of the deed for the house.
So I called attorneys in the area and got him an appointment to get the deed rewritten then we would mail some paperwork to her and she would sign it get it notarized and send it back and everything would be fine!

Well... It just happened that shes in town for Christmas and she could come and sign the paperwork her self,

OH YEAH also they were divorced a while ago but some how they were married in two different states... (I know only in my life do these things happen)

So the boy was going to pick her up, go to the appointment, get her name off of the deed and hopefully get divorced for real and come see her dog for a bit.

Well, he got off of work early and would be here 3 hours early for the appointment

So I had to clean the entire house before they got here, tried to look all pretty but they got here EARLIER than expected so my hair was half curled and half straight.... so I just pulled it up in a pony tail and looked like crap....

The boy wanted lunch so he went to the store and left us both here alone. This could have been really bad because I'm not a fan of cheaters or her for that matter even before I met her. I'm sure that if the circumstances were different we would be friends but they weren't and making small talk was impossible for the 30 mins he was gone.

The hardest thing was seeing them sitting on the couch with the dog in between them like they would have sat back when they were married.... I felt like the third wheel with my fiancee and his ex wife...

I'm going to stop rambling now they've been gone for 30 mins and I still feel awkward...

oh yeah and after venting to my mother that they werent offically divorced she called me a hussie.....

This is what I do when I'm nervous

I pick the nail polish off of my nails...

I just painted them yesterday, but I'm sure they'll look like this until fricken G20 is over... Just me and the puppy for an entire week :-(

"Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes,
Talking with strangers, waiting in line..
I'm through with these pills that make me sit still.
"Are you feeling fine?"
Yes, I feel just fine.

Tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.
Oh please tell me that you're alright,
Yeah everything is alright.

I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous
Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires
Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling..
Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!" ~Motion City Soundtrack "Everything is Alright"

... I don't like this at all....

So, I won't drive downtown by myself because I'll get lost no matter if I had Myron Cope's ghost in my passenger seat (we miss you!), but I LOVE being in THE CITY. I love the energy, I love the landscape, I love all the interesting buildings (we don't have these things in where-da-heck-r-we, PA). Pittsburgh is a BEAUTIFUL city.

This is why I don't like the G-20 Summit coming to "my" city. I could care less about the crusty old rich guys meeting and deciding decisions about god knows what ( I probably should know but I'm broke enough not to care, and uninterested). What I am interested in/upset about is the protesters!

Do you people HONESTLY think that making a ruckus and destroying things is going to make anyone listen to you. YOU ACT LIKE CHILDREN! and children that act like this get disciplined. Most of you are adults (or children drug into this way of life by delusional adults and I am deeply sorry for you come live with me I don't throw poop at people like monkeys) and are either arrested or injured because of responsible people took oaths to protect our city our state and our country. If you don't like the way these countries run FUCKING LEAVE! We don't want you here as much as you hate everything.

Honestly I understand protesting when strikes happen and things like that but other than that you look like overgrown emo kids "I hate everything." Why don't you all get together and buy an Island and run your "ANARCHIST" groups there... I don't really understand anarchist groups because they still have leaders and such soooo.... doesn't that go against your whole purpose?

This video scares me I'm afraid for the city, the people that live in the city, and the people (that I may not know or the ones I live and work with)who maybe by choice or not have to deal with the overgrown emo kids.

Uh Oh....

So, I've been off the last three weeks... Yes every Monday night for the last three weeks my boss has texted me and said they were slow this week and didn't need me to come in.

In short, technically I'm unemployed.... Driving from dinner with the bf's fam I saw a place that was hiring a pc technician. Had a 4 1/2 hour working interview (that's what i was nervous/excited about last week) only to find out that they only wanted to hire me temporarily because I would have to be off for three weeks for my yearly time to work at the base.

I'm still technically unemployed.

No one will hire me because I need time off in the first two months of working. I wouldn't hire me either.

This causes me to start to get depressed. Which upsets me even more because I've been doing so well I've thought that all these changes in my life had made my depression and anxiety go away. I guess all it takes is one little blip of problems makes it come back. I've noticed my hands shaking more often so I'm just waiting for the total meltdown to come.

Hopefully I'll stop this soon I have to I refuse to fall back into the black hole again

Sorry for bring back the bitchy rantings, I had to!

PS. I got my book swim shipment the other day and I finished the first one in a day. I may be in love with it!

WOW

Happy St. Patty's Day Everyone Out There!

A quick funny before I get down to business. As you might (or might not) already know my mom and I email back and forth most of the day. So we were emailing today and I said that I wanted to go have some green beer to celebrate being Irish. Well, mom being the lack of a drinker she is (I'm possibly going to disown her for what I'm going to say next) she said, "EWWWWW green beer! Not for me, why is it green OMG IS IT MOLDY!"... Yes she realy said that...


On to other crazy things my mom says. I don't stay at home that much any more I'm mosty at my boyfriends or I dont get home untill after they go to bed. So, they (meaning my parents) keep talking about how they are going to move in two years when my brother graduates, which is fine with me I hope to be well on my own by then but they keep mentioning it like they want me to take a hint or somthing. AND THEN! Later last night mom and I are talking about me putting money in savings for car emergencies, computer emergencies, MY OWN HOUSE, and A WEDDING! I'm not sure if shes trying to drop some serious hints or if she's just making simple conversation, but it scares the hell out of me.


My one friend said I should talk to her about it but I feel like I'm just making somthing huge out of simple conversation. What do you think?

WOW

So I've been complaining to myself how I never get a chance to blog. But looking at google analytics I haven't ever had anyone read my blog ever... (I'm thinking I didn't put the code in right... GO FIGURE!) Now I don't believe it because I have comments from some awesome people. Sometimes, I believe it because I wouldn't read a blog that posts MAYBE once a week so I'll try to get better... and I'm now a twitterer I guess... I still haven't figured the whole thing out...

ANYWAYS...

Boyfriend wants me to move in...

I'm not sure how to feel about this
On one hand I get all little girl excited and giggly...
On the other... I makes me a little panicky

He doesn't think that moving in with someone is all that serious, I don't really know what to think....

any opinions?

Public appology

To my blogger valentine,

I am really sorry that I have not yet sent you your valentine. My life got really hectic last week with the fam being out of town for a death in the family and well school being school and before I knew it I was waiting for 2 hours in Red Lobster with the bf for our valentines day dinner and it hit me! OH SHIT Babe I need to go to the post office NOW!!! and of course he laughed at me as he always does when I have my (all too random) freak outs and said Why?, Ash, Its 7 on a Saturday its closed just go on Monday you have off. So I explained and a little confused because hes not in to the whole technology thing (he doesn't have the Internet, OR A COMPUTER) so other than going through geek withdrawals when I'm with him I'm basically cut off from the techie world So until noon on Monday when I was watching the news and they told me that the Post Offices were closed because of some crazy holiday I forgot about (which is horrible but being with the bf is like being on vacation for me.) So in short because I'm in school all day and have two tests (that I didn't study for) I PROMISE I will send it tomorrow because I have all week off because my boss had twins (well his wife did but I guess he's sorta involved or something lol)

Love,
Ashley

AHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm used to not sleeping so I'm not sure if my time zones are still screwed up or if its normal....
I'll get really tired and try to go to sleep but then out of nowhere I can't sleep if my life depended on it IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! Its been happening since I got back. Usually I won't get to sleep until late as in after midnight and then I'll wake up anywhere between 4am and 6am and I'll be tired all day but I'm afraid taking naps will make it worse.

Any advice?

I've tried eating tons of carbs which usually work but no such luck....

and I don't think its the anxiety I'm pretty happy, unless its my subconscious still feeling bad for the ex-fiance

I'm dreading going back to work I can only imagine the pile of to dos on my desk is HUGE!!! but i do miss it but Monday is still going to suck

I think I'm starting to get tired ADD is setting in.... OBVIOUSLY

Until We Meet Again Loves!!!

WHAT!!!

Nope, cant handle this

1. I can't force myself to pack I'm supposed to be moving out of my apartment tomorrow and every time I sit down on the floor to try and pack I start bawling, hysterically I just cant make myself to pack. So my wonderful mommy is going to help me tomorrow.

2. PITT GIRL QUIT!?!?!?!?! I was hoping to get a good laugh in between cry fests and now I cant even do that WHAT!!!!! I fully understand and respect her decision, and she will be deeply missed. Heres the article... by The Pittsburgh Post Gazette,I feel some more hysterics comeing on

3. Lots of crazy stuff going on in my life that I'm just not allowed to talk about and honestly I'm ready to just chug a bottle of dads homemade wine but... I think then I'd just be a messier hot mess....

OK gotta go find more tissues and don't worry they wont be the anti-bacterial kind heaven forbid I commit a felony for not using them on my NOSE!!!!!

Well...

Well I'm sitting in class after my counseling center appointment, and I'm really glad I went. This guy is alot better than the guy I went to ohhhh two summers ago. He's alot easier to talk to and actualy seems like he likes his job. The other guy seemed like he hated his job, and thats not really the vibe you want to get when you're going to get help from people. ESPECIALLY if youre depressed.

So, he figured out that my depression is more of a problem than my anxiety and that it is caused by biological factors and not psychological. So, now I have to make an appointment with the dreaded health center to get medicine to get my life back on track. YAY!

This would be fine but, I hate taking pills every day. I dont like feeling like I have to depend on somone or somthing to get through the day. It was the same with birth control but I was a lot better at taking that becuase the fear of getting pregnant when you're 17 was a lot worse than being annoyed with taking pills.

I fixed that problem when I was perscribed the nuva ring which is AWESOME by the way and yes I'll answer 50 questions about it if you'd like, I'm used to it and an open person OBVIOUSLY. Although if any birth control gives you migraines, this is the only time I will not recommend it. (But, yeah I'm not a doctor so DONT LISTEN TO A THING I SAY)

Back to the aweful health center. I absoloutely HATE the Slippery Rock University Health Center. It takes for ever to see someone, and even if you are on the brink of death they think everything is solved by a cough drop. Also, before they even ask you your symptoms, not reguarding if you're male or female, they ask if theres a possibility of you being pregnant. Then, if you return because the magical cough drops didn't work (I wonder why?) they tell you that your apendix is going to burst and you need to get to the hospital right away. Mind you that its Febuary, blizzarding, oh and unless you want to take an ambulance (that costs ohh 3x your tuition) your parents that live 30 mins away, and hour and 30 mins in a bizzard, have to come get you and take yout to the hospital that is another hour and 30 mins away (in blizzard conditions) IN YOUR GRANDMA'S CAR!!!

Well ok they didn't say it in that many words but I'm sure you smell what I'm steppin in.

I'm in a really bloggy mood today so expect more later when I'm most likley supposed to be doing homework in the library