Uh Oh....

So, I've been off the last three weeks... Yes every Monday night for the last three weeks my boss has texted me and said they were slow this week and didn't need me to come in.

In short, technically I'm unemployed.... Driving from dinner with the bf's fam I saw a place that was hiring a pc technician. Had a 4 1/2 hour working interview (that's what i was nervous/excited about last week) only to find out that they only wanted to hire me temporarily because I would have to be off for three weeks for my yearly time to work at the base.

I'm still technically unemployed.

No one will hire me because I need time off in the first two months of working. I wouldn't hire me either.

This causes me to start to get depressed. Which upsets me even more because I've been doing so well I've thought that all these changes in my life had made my depression and anxiety go away. I guess all it takes is one little blip of problems makes it come back. I've noticed my hands shaking more often so I'm just waiting for the total meltdown to come.

Hopefully I'll stop this soon I have to I refuse to fall back into the black hole again

Sorry for bring back the bitchy rantings, I had to!

PS. I got my book swim shipment the other day and I finished the first one in a day. I may be in love with it!

Winter Blahs

I'm not sure if I've made it completely clear yet but I hate winter, I hate being cold, and I DEFINITELY hate snow! Usually I am more depressed in the winter, but I think that month I spent on a tropical island made it worse.

I've been in this mood where I feel like I'm not really a person, I'm just around like a machine or something. I go to work sleep go to school sleep go to work do homework and so on until I go to the boyfriends where I feel like I'm on vacation because I feel like its still too good to be true. I never find guys this good, but on to the other half of my usual week I feel like I have no purpose. I go to work where I'm not really needed (sort of scary in this economy.) Then I'm going to school but after being a junior at another college and then starting all over again I feel like I'm getting nowhere I could be looking for awesome internships for next year and instead I'm taking classes again that start with 1 and none of my classes are challenging at all. I'm just in a rut and hopefully I'll break out of it soon hopefully while I have the next week off of work because my boss had twins! Oh well off to my last class for the day...