I'm Not Dead I Promise!

Hey all, I'm back again. The unemployed life does not give me a whole lot to write about.

Honestly, it gives me nothing to write about... I wake up smoke while letting the Gir (the dog) out. Sit around applying for work at home jobs... (any suggestions?). Take the occasional snack break, email my mom all day, and wait for Pat (formerly bf but since we're engaged now I'm using his name) to get home and usually spend the evening watching him play video games or just being random like we are.

Pat's car got flooded in a bad storm a couple of weeks ago and he has been driving mine (the Flocus). That's why I don't really leave the house. I finally got her back yesterday just in time for a doctors appointment and visiting my mom at work.

By the way my mom is just about as busy as I am but she gets paid to sit there and email me things all day. Her new topic "the wedding" so we haven't set a date and we haven't really decided on anything, we know it's next fall, THATS IT. That's not good enough she wants to know everything. Daily, and sometimes bi-daily she asks if we've decided on a date, or how many people, or colors, which we haven't. I'm hoping she'll stop asking me soon. She also emails me a lot of pictures of dresses which is nice but 37 in one day... I should start training for when we actually do go dress shopping and I actually have to try them on!

I'm still pretty lonely here and our favorite bar just closed which makes me really sad!

Like I said nothing to write about.... but if you've made it this far you read my messy nonsense anyways... lol alright time to find another snack!

HAHAHAHA!

Well, I guess I won't be texting my posts in anymore, thanks Adam for discovering my screw-up. Alot has happened in the last couple of weeks. BULLET POST!

• Well, Im engaged again... and I've never been happier, except for some reason his parents don't know yet... we have been busy so I'll give him that excuse.
• I applied for unemployment because I realized that no one is going to want to hire me if I'm going to have to work at the base for three weeks one month after I would start a job.... I wouldn't hire me either, but I can't not work.... I'm still looking because I'm going crazy being at home with Gir (the dog) all day.
• I had some sort of push inside of me today to go for a run untill I actually got out of bed and it was raining....
• I'm trying to quit smoking... I only had four yesterday and only one today so far... (Hence wanting to run to keep me from being bored and then smoking)

Thats all for now I may be back later.....

Uh Oh....

So, I've been off the last three weeks... Yes every Monday night for the last three weeks my boss has texted me and said they were slow this week and didn't need me to come in.

In short, technically I'm unemployed.... Driving from dinner with the bf's fam I saw a place that was hiring a pc technician. Had a 4 1/2 hour working interview (that's what i was nervous/excited about last week) only to find out that they only wanted to hire me temporarily because I would have to be off for three weeks for my yearly time to work at the base.

I'm still technically unemployed.

No one will hire me because I need time off in the first two months of working. I wouldn't hire me either.

This causes me to start to get depressed. Which upsets me even more because I've been doing so well I've thought that all these changes in my life had made my depression and anxiety go away. I guess all it takes is one little blip of problems makes it come back. I've noticed my hands shaking more often so I'm just waiting for the total meltdown to come.

Hopefully I'll stop this soon I have to I refuse to fall back into the black hole again

Sorry for bring back the bitchy rantings, I had to!

PS. I got my book swim shipment the other day and I finished the first one in a day. I may be in love with it!

Public appology

To my blogger valentine,

I am really sorry that I have not yet sent you your valentine. My life got really hectic last week with the fam being out of town for a death in the family and well school being school and before I knew it I was waiting for 2 hours in Red Lobster with the bf for our valentines day dinner and it hit me! OH SHIT Babe I need to go to the post office NOW!!! and of course he laughed at me as he always does when I have my (all too random) freak outs and said Why?, Ash, Its 7 on a Saturday its closed just go on Monday you have off. So I explained and a little confused because hes not in to the whole technology thing (he doesn't have the Internet, OR A COMPUTER) so other than going through geek withdrawals when I'm with him I'm basically cut off from the techie world So until noon on Monday when I was watching the news and they told me that the Post Offices were closed because of some crazy holiday I forgot about (which is horrible but being with the bf is like being on vacation for me.) So in short because I'm in school all day and have two tests (that I didn't study for) I PROMISE I will send it tomorrow because I have all week off because my boss had twins (well his wife did but I guess he's sorta involved or something lol)

Love,
Ashley

Winter Blahs

I'm not sure if I've made it completely clear yet but I hate winter, I hate being cold, and I DEFINITELY hate snow! Usually I am more depressed in the winter, but I think that month I spent on a tropical island made it worse.

I've been in this mood where I feel like I'm not really a person, I'm just around like a machine or something. I go to work sleep go to school sleep go to work do homework and so on until I go to the boyfriends where I feel like I'm on vacation because I feel like its still too good to be true. I never find guys this good, but on to the other half of my usual week I feel like I have no purpose. I go to work where I'm not really needed (sort of scary in this economy.) Then I'm going to school but after being a junior at another college and then starting all over again I feel like I'm getting nowhere I could be looking for awesome internships for next year and instead I'm taking classes again that start with 1 and none of my classes are challenging at all. I'm just in a rut and hopefully I'll break out of it soon hopefully while I have the next week off of work because my boss had twins! Oh well off to my last class for the day...

AHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm used to not sleeping so I'm not sure if my time zones are still screwed up or if its normal....
I'll get really tired and try to go to sleep but then out of nowhere I can't sleep if my life depended on it IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! Its been happening since I got back. Usually I won't get to sleep until late as in after midnight and then I'll wake up anywhere between 4am and 6am and I'll be tired all day but I'm afraid taking naps will make it worse.

Any advice?

I've tried eating tons of carbs which usually work but no such luck....

and I don't think its the anxiety I'm pretty happy, unless its my subconscious still feeling bad for the ex-fiance

I'm dreading going back to work I can only imagine the pile of to dos on my desk is HUGE!!! but i do miss it but Monday is still going to suck

I think I'm starting to get tired ADD is setting in.... OBVIOUSLY

Until We Meet Again Loves!!!